Love, Actually

There is a film with this title and what comes to mind in this movie is the relationship between the characters played by Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson, two of my favorite actors.   There’s this moment that breaks your heart, where one spouse catches the other in an almost affair.  I remember specifically the moment, where Emma Thompson all in one small scene shows how devastating love can be, where you are in love with a person who may be doing something horrible to you and yet you are completely in love with them. 

It’s that element of romantic love that fades and what is left in it’s place but the space of time, shared experiences, connection, sometimes children.  What I have experienced in my life has led me to no longer believe in that “fairy-tale love,” the type of love that sweeps you off your feet and leads you down the happily-ever-after path.   That idea in romantic love where you meet your partner there’s this fulfillment that happens.  I’ve seen too many times and been in the position too many times where that person doesn’t meet your needs, falls short or doesn’t want to meet your needs. The last time I got swept off my feet I ended up on the floor with a dirty rug.

What I do believe now is that you are very lucky to have that person in your life that loves you, recognizes you for your worth, values you, wants to be that partner, wants to stay your friend, wants to share their life with you and you return the favor.  What I believe now is that there isn’t just one person who will meet all of your needs and it’s unrealistic to expect that.  This is why I try to maintain my friendships outside of the relationship.  Love isn’t something shared with just one person but your friends and loved ones.  A deeper expression of love is to be able to hold space for not just that person but all the people in your life to grow, evolve and change.  It’s this expression of love, unconditional love, that allows me to freely give, without so many expectations and in that, I can hold space for myself and love myself as well.  To get love, you gotta give love.  

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