There’s a quote from Proust that I am reminded of:
“We do not receive wisdom, we must discover it for ourselves, after a journey through the wilderness which no one else can make for us, which no one can spare us, for our wisdom is the point of view from which we come at last to regard the world. The lives that you admire, the attitudes that seem noble to you, have not been shaped by a paterfamilias or a schoolmaster, they have sprung from very different beginnings, having been influenced by evil or commonplace that prevailed round them. They represent a struggle and a victory.”
— Marcel Proust
Recent experiences have taken me to a place of deep sadness and introspection. How do we look at the darkness, examine it, but not get taken down by it?
I found myself in a bit of a spiral and having to honor my feelings. I have suffered from depression and haven’t experienced it in this capacity for a very long time, ten or more years. It began to frighten me.
I trudged to my mat today. I haven’t felt like doing yoga, even though I teach it. These experiences have left a dark and heavy impression in my heart. Really, in my soul. It’s like that song from Peter Gabriel “Digging in the dirt/Finding the places where we got hurt.”
When I arrived today at class, yet again, the transformation comes.
As I’m flowing, my focus is on my breath. It takes my thoughts away from these circumstances. There is a playfulness encouraged by my teacher. I become light-hearted again. I release and let go. I find some compassion for myself and in that, find compassion for others.
While the journey isn’t over, I am reminded again the solution is come to my mat. Come to my mat and begin again. Come and be present with this moment. Breathe.