I had to share this.
Like a lot of people, money continues to be a struggle for me. It was difficult for me to write the newsletter this month about finances. As a yoga teacher, I try to incorporate the ideas, aka practice what I preach. The art of allowing for space for abundance in my life. The idea that the universe provides for me.
I’m teaching at another studio in Eastlake this morning and one of the students walks up to me and tells me that she’s practicing spontaneous tithing, and hands me a check. She feels spiritually blessed and wanted to pass it along.
My heart just fills. It’s not about the money. It’s about the practicing of faith. Faith that my body will feel better after a practice. Faith that in spite of the many difficulties that may arise, that life will continue, not always as it was but in a new form. The universe responds in ways that I can’t begin to fathom. So I will continue to allow it to do it’s job and not question in what form it comes.
This month, I’m practicing gratitude. Gratitude for what I have, not what I don’t. Gratitude for my life in this moment, not what I want it to be. Gratitude grows, this I know. Life brings me gifts all the time, if I open my eyes wide enough to see.
Again, I Thank you for spiritually (and literally) feeding me.
There’s a quote from Proust that I am reminded of:
“We do not receive wisdom, we must discover it for ourselves, after a journey through the wilderness which no one else can make for us, which no one can spare us, for our wisdom is the point of view from which we come at last to regard the world. The lives that you admire, the attitudes that seem noble to you, have not been shaped by a paterfamilias or a schoolmaster, they have sprung from very different beginnings, having been influenced by evil or commonplace that prevailed round them. They represent a struggle and a victory.”
— Marcel Proust
Recent experiences have taken me to a place of deep sadness and introspection. How do we look at the darkness, examine it, but not get taken down by it?
I found myself in a bit of a spiral and having to honor my feelings. I have suffered from depression and haven’t experienced it in this capacity for a very long time, ten or more years. It began to frighten me.
I trudged to my mat today. I haven’t felt like doing yoga, even though I teach it. These experiences have left a dark and heavy impression in my heart. Really, in my soul. It’s like that song from Peter Gabriel “Digging in the dirt/Finding the places where we got hurt.”
When I arrived today at class, yet again, the transformation comes.
As I’m flowing, my focus is on my breath. It takes my thoughts away from these circumstances. There is a playfulness encouraged by my teacher. I become light-hearted again. I release and let go. I find some compassion for myself and in that, find compassion for others.
While the journey isn’t over, I am reminded again the solution is come to my mat. Come to my mat and begin again. Come and be present with this moment. Breathe.