Category: life

Someone else’s shoes

“I used to have a sign pinned up on my wall that read: ‘Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us.”
— Pema Chödrön (When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times) 

I can get really caught up in my own stuff sometimes.  Little occurrences, missteps, changes in plans can sometimes become the focal point of my day.  Today someone was supposed to do the dishes and didn’t which led to a chain of events that really didn’t destroy the planet or end an endangered species.  But it interfered with my day and the events that were supposed to happen.  But then I run into someone who has something real happening.  Those “little earthquakes” that take you to your core.  Life stopped and then took a radically different direction.  Wasn’t  a part of the plan that someone got sick or died, but they did and what is left is the rumbled remains of life as it once was but never will be again.  

I am reminded of the idea that you never know what kind of pain someone is walking around with.  That woman who was pushy in the grocery line, the guy who cut you off and yelled at you for it, the kid who trampled your rose bush, whatever it is.  The person who gives you a smile sometimes and their insides are dying but you’d never know it.  

I am reminded to treat others better.  Not about turn the other cheek or “let it go” but just treat others better.   No matter how it is or what I do, just better.  I am reminded to quit judging.  Someone may have an ocean full mind of a burden that I can’t comprehend or begin to think of how to deal with it.    Is it important that I label it, dismiss their behavior or condone it?  Can I be less interested in the wrongs I’m dealt and more interested in the things I can do right? 

Last night in class I set the intention to cultivate and share more love.  That’s an intention.  The action, is when I put it into action.  Maybe I can dedicate my practice to someone who might need that extra energy? Someone who needs some extra strength.  Maybe I can smile at someone and make their day?  Maybe I can just smile more. 

Someone lost their best friend.  Someone didn’t wake up this morning.  Someone took the box to their car, the last one that was in that house that is no longer theirs.   Someone can’t call their mother anymore.  Someone had to explain to a child that mom or dad isn’t coming back.  Someone had to make that phone call.  If I can treat everyone like someone, maybe their burden may get a little lighter. 

Unearthing

There’s a quote from Proust that I am reminded of:

“We do not receive wisdom, we must discover it for ourselves, after a journey through the wilderness which no one else can make for us, which no one can spare us, for our wisdom is the point of view from which we come at last to regard the world. The lives that you admire, the attitudes that seem noble to you, have not been shaped by a paterfamilias or a schoolmaster, they have sprung from very different beginnings, having been influenced by evil or commonplace that prevailed round them. They represent a struggle and a victory.”
— Marcel Proust

Recent experiences have taken me to a place of deep sadness and introspection.    How do we look at the darkness, examine it, but not get taken down by it? 
I found myself in a bit of a spiral and having to honor my feelings.  I have suffered from depression and haven’t experienced it in this capacity for a very long time, ten or more years.  It began to frighten me.

I trudged to my mat today.  I haven’t felt like doing yoga, even though I teach it.  These experiences have left a dark and heavy impression in my heart.   Really, in my soul.  It’s like that song from Peter Gabriel “Digging in the dirt/Finding the places where we got hurt.”

When I arrived today at class, yet again, the transformation comes.

 As I’m flowing, my focus is on my breath.  It takes my thoughts away from these circumstances.  There is a playfulness encouraged by my teacher.  I become light-hearted again.  I release and let go.  I find some compassion for myself and in that, find compassion for others. 

While the journey isn’t over, I am reminded again the solution is come to my mat.  Come to my mat and begin again.  Come and be present with this moment.  Breathe.