Sometimes things can be very overwhelming. Bad news in the media, at work, at home, in the neighborhood can make life seemingly unbearable and sometimes even horrible. There’s a tendency sometimes to oversimplify, throw out suggestions such as ‘make a gratitude list’ or even shine over what is going on. While these have been things that I have done or throw out, they are not really dealing with what is. I believe that the essence of the statement ‘Life on Life’s terms’ is recognizing the ups and downs on the roller coaster of life. We are born into this life and we will all eventually die. Whether we believe we will come back or not is irrelevant to the process of dying and grieving that those who remain will experience. There will surely be someone in our lives who will make bad, even horrible choices and their decision to act on those choices will affect our lives and the lives of people around us. Whether they are politicians or lone gunmen, we all have to live with those decisions. So while these events go on, and seem to go on forever sometimes, where I choose to live is in the now, allowing myself to feel the emotions that come up as a result of these events and staying present with them. By staying present with what is, not projecting what the future holds but rather allowing myself the experience as unpleasant and grieving as it is, I acknowledge what these events are. I create space for myself to be just a human being in this place called Earth, and know that I am here to experience what life has to offer, sometimes unkind and sometimes unpleasant. I know that sometimes all that I can control, is what I choose to respond with.
Category: death
21/30 April is National Poetry Month
It is not enough to have known you.
It is not enough to have the shared moments with you.
It is not enough the brief sprinkling of time and space that held the words spoken between us.
There is never enough time and space for that.
You, funny, witty, own sense of humor and timing,
not reluctant to reach out, be a friend, help someone out,
honestly with your own shortcomings, failures and successes.
Your time was way to brief.
Your touch was so deep.
You will never be forgotten by those who loved you and those who had too brief an encounter.
You probably know this.
You may have even planned it this way.
But know, that if you come around this way again
we’d all like you to stay a while longer.
Poem 2/30
It’s 6:12 pm and I have learned of your death from third hand sources and overheard phone calls.
You and I were never friends and never will be.
We passed and never really spoken
unless is was about the dog
or the noise
or the indifference.
I called the police for you when he broke in.
Sad that he was actually the one who probably cared more for you than the stream of low-life parasites
floating/fleeing/screaming/ranting/partying
in the smelly/dirty/noisy housing they occupied with you.
And it all was too familiar and that’s why I could name it.
Now all that remains is them
responding to those urgent phone calls from authorities
trying to find your family members
that they don’t really know.
They are all that is left.
You are gone.
I wish that I was indifferent but I am actually sad.
This is how you ended.
Sometimes I watched as you left with some of these
made yourself pretty
laughter.
I am sad that you know peace now but in life never did.
You never knew what it was like to be clean
To have life staring full frontal in your face with all the beauty that it contains.
The big unknown
I had a friend pass recently, unexpectedly to everyone except for him. In the days preceding his death, he passed along a box to a neighbor saying if he didn’t make it back give it to his family. When friends went out to his car to get it in the parking lot, all of his vehicle titles were on the front seat. His home was in complete order, except for his storage buildings which are apparently a complete mess. He was a pack-rat, had multiple items that he had picked up for free or nearly free and had a lot that he had given away but a lot that he kept. He was known for getting amazing deals on everything. He had given me (2) toasters at one time, I think he had six of them. So in cleaning out the outbuildings, his family and friends are finding an abundance of stuff, all crammed in with other things that are possibly important. Which is, post-humorously, humorous. As though he left everything important and the rest to give his family and close friends a good laugh. Including leaving the toilet clogged, knowing his best friend would have to unclog it.
We all have different beliefs and faiths about life after death. We have different thoughts and these get tested when someone close to us passes. We question ourselves, our beliefs and in our mourning and loss, ponder our own existence. Where will we really go when we’re gone and is there anything beyond this carbon-based existence.
My friend was an athiest. He had had prior poor experiences with various religions that made him not belief in anything. Which, in my opinion, is a beautiful place to be. When given the choices of junk, choose none of it. We had conversations. One of the ideas that he liked that I shared is that the universe has an order to it. There is an order that alludes to the possibility of an intelligence behind that order. My astronomy teacher had said that when we looked at the stars and the heavens and how math and physics play such a huge part in our ability to see that far. As we evolve in our knowledge and consciousness and see outside of this planet, exploring beyond our own boundaries and borders, both physically and spiritually, we continue this evolution.
The more we try to define and categorize, the more our definitions and categories will define us and then eventually become obsolete. Can I continue to look at the world with awe and wonder, reaching beyond what I know and giving in to the possibilities? The unknown.
Death is the big unknown. It is the very thing that we will all have to contend with. The experience that at this point, we can’t share with others on the physical plane. Or so most of us think. As the days and weeks go one, I will be listening for those things that can’t be verified but may very well be my friend communicating with us from the great beyond. Or maybe there will be none.
So my message although not entirely original is this “So long Wade and thanks for all the toasters…”
Jennie Olson Six 